Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
