I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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