Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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