You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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