I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
