how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
