I will die if light touches me.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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