You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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