She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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