New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
