hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
