i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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