dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
