I wish my penis had an off switch
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Sorry about my life...
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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