apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
