I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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