i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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