How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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