worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
