you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
