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• (646): View more from New York

  My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...

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• (802): View more from Vermont

  Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."

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• (251): View more from Alabama

  Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?

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• (407): View more from Florida

  Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.

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• (218): View more from Minnesota

  Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?

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• (732): View more from New Jersey

  hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".

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• (217): View more from Illinois

  I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.

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• (410): View more from Maryland

  The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer

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• (509): View more from Washington

  This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.

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• (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?

  (1-306): View more from Saskatchewan

  you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...

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• (253): View more from Washington

  Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf

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• (706): View more from Georgia

  Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.

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• (940): View more from Texas

  Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.

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• (608): View more from Wisconsin

  His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.

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• (313): View more from Michigan

  Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?

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