do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
