haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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