Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
