He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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