Kiss
Puke
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
