No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
