all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
