Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
