I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
