We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
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