i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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