we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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