K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
how drunk are you?
Several
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
