His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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