Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
