and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
