Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
My liver is preforming stress tests.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
