This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
