YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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