just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
