im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
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