It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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