:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
