He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
