It's a beautiful day for a hangover
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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