I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
