SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
It's official drugs can't kill me
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
