Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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