I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
He called his prostate his "boner button".
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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